Short Story of My Recovery Road So Far.
I am writing this, to tell the short version of my story, so others can have hope, and can get to know me better. I am writing this, so others can become more comfortable with their mental illness symptoms or anxiety or upset, so that they can learn how to recover from their symptoms. I am writing this, to help others get a bigger picture, that mental illness that are more about PTSD's can fit in overall life story, as one of their greatest blessings. I am writing this, so that others can be comforted by knowing that mental illness and other upsets, can come from an ordinary physical, genetic, and or traumatic wounds. Wounds can heal, when we learn how to cooperate, with our healing processes. I wish I had known all of this, at the front end of my symptoms, instead at the back end.
I was good at science, math, and counseling over the phone, as a high school student. I wanted to teach and counsel, but I was too shy. I decided I would have to solve my shyness problem, before I could assist others. I searched to discover how to recover from my shyness, at the Long Beach California Main Library. I could find no wisdom there, of any use to me. I also wanted to find out why I had no second wind, and was deaf in my left ear, kept getting head wounds, and had no dance. I asked God what my problems were about, and did that action prayer of looking for answers. I quit looking, and then three things, showed up at my high school. A two unit course in our Constitution, recruiters for the Marine Reserves, and recruiters for an Engineering Co-op Program at the Long Beach Naval Shipyard.
I did not realize until later, that the three things that showed up, would lead to my answers, to my question to God. In my course on our Constitution, I learned what I was defending in the Marines Reserves. I learned to speak up for myself, more of who I was and I challenged my hearing and short windedness. I continued to push myself, into more responsible positions where I had to speak up for myself, and others, and to challenge my fatigue and hearing.
The forth major thing that showed up was my spiritual story. My parents decided to join a church when I was a teen. I was given my choice of what I wanted to do. I picked up a college outline series book on world religions. The only interesting part to me was the one they called Jesus, "Gee-He's-Us". You know, in the least of us. I became a red letter Christian, but found most Christians seemed to avoid knowing Him. As a person with many interests, I found a series of books that continued to open up my mind and heart, until I found the Course In Miracles by Jesus. The 3rd volume was a Manual for Teachers. I realized, there could be a Teacher for me. I asked God who my teacher was and within a week I found a book about Jesus with words that resonated like fire with me. After many books by this Teacher, everything was going well, until I had a series of more and more difficult bosses, and a more difficult personal life. When I hit my personal bottom, I decided to go to a two week spiritual retreat, to discover my missing energy. In the long run I found my boldness, and my second wind, and why I was deaf in one ear. My second wind returned in the form of a whirlwind of energy that physically spun me around. It immediatly got on with the kundalini process. See. Some of the symptoms of the process were miss diagnosed as schizophrenia, and as I recovered, bipolar. The manic part was certainly more fun than the depressive part. The terrors running through my body were not fun, but I had learned enough discipline from the Marines, and was enought of a scientist, to watch this terror, and I found that the objective of my terror was to unravel my terror. Some times were very difficult alone and some times where it was best that I was alone, and some times were where I did need some assistance from my family. I was over medicated by some doctors that we finally had to let go and find one that would work with me with a minimum of medications.
I experienced my schizophrenia like and then bipolar like recovery processes for 7 years starting in 1982. When I dropped the last of the meds and had fully recovered, I discovered I had recovered from most of my "head wound", shyness, chronic fatigue, and I had a dance, as a part of my recovery processes. My illness was my blessing in disguise, to solve the challenges, I had set out to conquer in the first place. I had to demonstrate, that I really wanted to recover, by my actions, and then to let go and let recovery happen. It helps to have my perspective, that can come with some grey hair.
I was over my most dramatic symptoms in about a half year. After less than a year, I was back at work with a better leader and was able to earn three years of awards. It took me about seven years in all, to integrate my returning energies in my difficult second spiritual rebirth. I discovered that I had lost my energies and hearing, when I was wounded by a Navy Captain doctor's forceps in my difficult first birth. In my recovering processes, I discovered some of the ways that recovering works. That is why I call my new career things like Inner Peace Facilitator and Recovery Facilitator, that has been there, and done that. The good news is, that I became a more whole person. The other good news news is, that I am continuing to grow and learn in a neverending process. Discovering and Recovering, continue unless you get stuck. The other good news is that I now have some insights on how to recover from PTSD from trauma. Perhaps we all have some past trauma and some PTSD to work through, some time. We certainly have a blaming world, and miss conceptions of God to work through.
I hope that what is here and what I publish on the recovery processes is enough for your self recovery from enough symptoms. When not, and when you are interested, you can click on my card below and see my legal page for what is involved. I basically charge what ever you make an hour, as an expression of equality. When you tell me your story, it is not likely that I will not have experienced some form of that experience. Another term for my recovery process is Christian Kundalini. I use the term Christian, since the Holy Spirit is the one that brought me through the whole process until today. What is "Kundalini"? Random House Webster's Electronic Dictionary 1.0 says "kun-da-li-ni (koon dl ee'nee) n. 1. (in yoga) a vital force at the base of the spine that is activated by exercises." I would add that the exercises are spiritual exercises. The spiritual exercises are different forms of forgiveness and acceptance and and cooperation with spirit and concern for the highest good of all. Our life force will answer to the term Holy Spirit, or any other term that means spirit of Good. The Spirit of Good, is quite capable of introducing itself, and does not need others, to tell others who he is. Especially, when they do not really know it themselves.
There are some hints in the bible about the kundalini process. Job is more than a hint, it is a good description of a classic kundalini process with much of the process at the physical level. Jacob, who became Israel, is another. Paul's three years in the desert probably was. Check out "Kundalini Energy and Christian Spirituality: A Pathway to Growth and Healing" by Philip St. Romain and The Kundalini Experience by Lee Sannella, MD with copy at http://www.kundaliniawakeningsystems1.com/downloads/kundalini-psychosis-or-transcendence.pdf and a checklist of symptoms at http://www.kundaliniawakeningsystems1.com/downloads/kundalini_checklist.pdf.
The good news is that kundalini can be a faster way to find your spiritual connection. The bad news is that it can be a most difficult way, to find your spiritual connection, and has risks. I also teach less risky and kinder and gentler ways to remove our blocks to our continuing enlightenment. They are still forms of forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and thankfulness for all. The other bad news is that spiritual rebirth is just that, and then we need to let God grow us up again. For all that any of us knows, we may already be reborn. You have to think you are separate, to experience a return.
I experienced weeks of terror, months of fears, years of uncomfortableness, visions, aloneness, helplessness, boredom and much else. I can now be with anyone and help them with some ways home. I experienced more understanding from fellow patients, than hospital staffs or doctors. When you are interested and determined to find more peace and happiness for yourself, I can be of assistance to you, on your recovery road.
I have been making a "Home of Practical Mental Health Information on Generic Spiritual Recovery Processes" here at http://www.RecoveryByDiscovery.com and my Prodigy Classic site http://pages.prodigy.com/mikemike and http://pages.prodigy.net/mikemikef since June 1996. There are many resources on mental health. There are very few that have recovered, from labels of mental illnesses. I am looking for other success stories. Having been there and experienced that, provides a unique and more relevant perspective. I wished for someone like me, to assist me, when I went through my recovery processes alone. That made me stronger, but... I have never met anyone yet, that is not doing the best they can with what they know, considering the baggage that they are carrying.
What I do now, is continue to practice practical generic spiritual skills, that I also teach, to whoever really wants to learn them. All these skills have Forgiveness, Acceptance, Compassion, Thankfulness, and Sensing Spirit [FACTS] as a part of their essence. These skills worked, and work for me, and all the others, that I know about. That is, when you work them, and I work them. These skills are designed to take anyone closer to spirit. Some people hire me as a temporary friend, that can help them, when they are ready to take responsibility for their own recovery. One of these friends wrote: "I started out to hire a friend and ended up having a spiritual brother who encouraged my soul." and "I felt that you could feel my pain and see the warts on my soul, but not turn away form me or get caught up in them. You consistently projected a healing and intelligent caring."
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Copyright (c) 1997, 8, 9, 2000, 05, 09, 10, 11, 12 by Michael Foster, MA
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05 June 2011