Steps on the Road to Recovery

Steps On the Road to Recovery for 15 to 21 February 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my second year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com/daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

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What I am mainly going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness. Instantaneous cures may not do us any good, when we get the same disorder back, since we have not changed the thought system that caused the disorder in the first place.

15 Feb 99

Now back to the "disorders" of the DSM. Now we have the

"301.82 Avoidant Personality Disorder" with a fear of negative

judgments starting by early adulthood with at least four of the

following qualifiers:

With this one we need four out of seven to qualify... Even

if we do not qualify, we can learn somethings from the symptoms.

The second symptom out of seven is to not have close friends. I

am writing this one over, because I managed to not save or upload

my last one. If you happened to get a copy I would be curious

about what I wrote. The blessing in disguise for me is that I got

to see how I felt about making a public mistake. I got to relook

at the first symptom of concern about the negative judgments of

others and myself. I had the advantage of having this happen

many times in the past. What I learned is that it can be useful

to just do things over. When they are judging me they are only

creating problems for themselves. That is true for all of us.

We all have friends of various degrees. We all are not

close to some degree. We all fear the judgments of others

to some degree. In many cases our fear is justified because

some would try to take out their judgments on themselves on

us. It is a matter of learning who you can trust. It is a matter

of trusting some and verifying some. Remember President

Reagan, with his trust, but verify.

We also have a friend that we can trust totally. That too

is learned over time. It is a walk of trust to get to know our

lord most high within.

16 Feb 99

The third symptom out of seven is to be unwilling to get

involved with people, unless we know we will be liked.

Again we all do not want to be involved with too difficult

of people. I know some therapist that do not want to deal

with the most difficult ones. This is a healthy symptom

when we are keeping ourselves from physical abuse. The

abuse is just as damaging to the abuser, so staying away

from physical harm is wise. When they are just difficult

people that want to be friends, but they are just difficult

with themselves and others, they can be a blessing in

disguise. Then we will have a lot of names to forgive

ourselves about. Then we will learn how to stand up

for ourselves with difficult people.

17 Feb 99

The fourth symptom out of seven is to avoid social or

work activities with interpersonal contact. This is just

another way to stay away from difficult people. This is

where we are just more sensitive to difficult people. Some

of us are so insensitive that they can thrive from the social

interaction with even difficult people. But, it does not

matter how sensitive we are in the long run. The recovery

from insensitivity or upset with difficult people is the same.

The insensitive become more sensitive. The sensitive

become less upset. Self forgiveness can work this miracle.

We all have the same need, some self forgiveness to do.

We all need the same new habit of self forgiveness. Our

self forgiveness becomes other forgiveness. Our other

forgiveness becomes God forgiveness. Our forgiveness

brings us peace and transformation and a new relationship

with God. Then we have a lot more in common.

18 Feb 99

The fifth symptom out of seven is to avoid contact in

social situations for fear of saying something "wrong" or

being unable to answer a question. We all want to be

"right" and have some fears of being "wrong" to some

degree. We all want to be able to "know it all" to some

degree. Again it is a matter of degree.

If we really knew it all we would be very uncomfortable.

What we really need is to know enough to be at peace and

to know what we need to know moment to moment. We all

have that resource within all of us. That is our lord most

high within. I once knew someone in contact with their ego

most high within and they were having a difficult time.

When we have fears of being wrong we are being self

righteous. When we do not want to forgive ourselves for

judging ourself as self righteous, we have an ego problem.

The same goes for not wanting to forgive ourselves for

judging ourselves as righteous. A way out is to keep

forgiving ourselves for our false righteousness and false

humility. We do not need any false righteousness or

humility. We already all have our lord most high within.

The JC part has already atoned for all of us. We have His

righteousness in our relationship with God. We have no

need for any other righteousness. When someone judges

me as saying something "wrong" that is their problem, their

challenge to clear their judgments. When some judges me as

ignorant or as a know it all, that is their problem, their

challenge to clear their judgments. When they are accurate

about me they are at peace.

19 Feb 99

The sixth symptom out of seven is to have a fear

of embarrassing ourselves by showing signs of our fear

like crying or blushing. Who among us does not want

to appear "cool" to some extent? But, we are not totally

cool. There are things that can get to us. Do we not

unconsciously avoid those things? But, there are some

things that we can not avoid. Our unconscious is always

peeking through. That is good news. That way we can

clear something all the time. Or, we can upset ourselves

about what is coming up. Our choice. When we just let

ourselves be upset we will be upset next time and cry or

blush or jump on them or ... When we clear what ever

comes to us each time, some next time we will be cool.

We will be enjoying more life and fearing less life.

21 Feb 99

So, what is the "avoidant" person saying to us? Are

they not saying that they are afraid? Are they not saying

that they need more loving, of the unconditional type?

What else are they saying?

Are they not saying that we all have some level of these

fears and that we all need unconditional loving? Where

can we find unconditional loving? Not many places in our

world, yet. So, we have to look inside to find our lord most

high within. Then we can begin our healing processes.

Have a healing Sunday.

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

Mental Health Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

MentalHealthCoachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

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I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

I am including Sunday as it is my formal day of learning the lord most high's secrets. If you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or want to vote for which day to put on my tip of the month page or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.