Steps on our Road to Recovery

Daily Steps On Our Road to Recovery for 25 to 29 October 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my third year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

25 October 1999

Exhortation [rev 1, 26 Oct '99]

Some one asked how they could use their gift of exhortation.

Their positive intention, was to be helpful. But, when they gave

their advice, that was sometimes that others may not have wanted,

at least not in that form. Most people want to be unconditionally

loved, as they are. Maybe, they just need a hug while they are going

through difficult times. The problem is that most people, generally

do not do that, but God always does. We know the God in us,

when we unconditionally love.

We all have some of this gift of exhortation. And it can be

helpful. I know my wife has told me several times, about two

years after I used this gift, that she was now grateful. At first she

resented my advice. Then she admitted to herself that I was right,

something she would not like to admit to me. Then she used the

advice and it worked for her. Then she was grateful. This is a

great gift as it is, when we are willing to wait a few years. This

is also a great gift, when we are willing to receive this gift back

when it comes back around. Actually I am more grateful these days,

as it as easier to see their exhortation, as just information to keep

the best and leave the rest. Mine is just information.

26 October 1999

Irrational Thoughts

When we are exhorting someone, we are often saying in essence

that they "should" be doing other than they are doing. According to

Albert Ellis, Ph.D., any "should" is an irrational thought, that leads

to anger, upset, and unhappiness. For him, it is as simple as ABC.

A, we have an Activating event or thought. B, then we think that

the event or thought "should" not be. C, then we create our energy

of anger, upset, unhappiness. His process is about accepting events

and thoughts as they are. You know, like God does. What his process

does not take into account is the positive version. Also, what God

does. God takes our mistakes over time, and turns them into positive

blessings and blessings in disguise. Like with Joseph in Egypt. The

positive version is where there is an Activating event, A. Then we

Accept the event as it is. Then we decide how we want to change

ourselves and our world and Apply ourselves to that mission. The

three AAA process. You see, everything is the best it can be at

present moment, until we change something. Exhorting is trying to

get "them" to change something, without changing ourself to accept

"them", as they are and change ourselves to find different approaches.

So, how can we exhort someone to change, give our gift of

exhortation? One way, is to use our exhortations as a gift of questions.

27 October 1999

The Gift of Questions

I have told this story before, but it applies here also. There

was this person that called themselves a "stinker". Others called

them a stinker. Their personality and behavior stank. They actually

had the stink of some older persons close to death, and they were

a young person.

They had come to trust me after several counseling sessions

together. We both invited the Holy Spirit to be part of our process.

So, I asked them their intentions. Their intention was to get over

being a stinker. So, I asked them how they were feeling. They had

a sharp pain in their forearm. So, I asked them what their pain

was like. I asked what kind of color and shape or other qualities

it had. They said it was like a small statue of their mother. So,

I asked if they would be interested in letting their statue go

into God. They said yes. There was a shift in spirit. Someone

who was observing tried to stop the process, but it was too late.

They had the same issue, they had a hole in their heart tied to

their mother, that they were not yet ready to let God fill.

Afterwards, the young old stinker became more of the life

of a party. Their personality and behavior changed. The stink on

their body was gone. My exhortations were in the form of

good questions, inspired by the Holy Spirit in me and them. So,

I exhort anyone that is interested to be inspired by the Holy

Spirit, to ask good questions instead of telling what "should" be

done. After all, that young person "should" have got on with

completing their grief and getting over the death of their mother.

I knew that, I just did not tell them that, I kept silent on that. I

let them have the dignity of their own process.

28 October 1999

Exhortation to Me

My exhortation in questions was related to what was also

going on in my life. My mother was preparing to leave. I

was finishing up everything that I felt was incomplete with

her. I was doing my grieving while she was here.

My relationship with my mother was different than my

sisters. My mother and I did not agree on everything, but

we loved and love each other in spite of our differences.

One of my sisters did not accept herself or her mother as

she was and got that in return from her mother. You see,

we grew up in different homes since we were different.

28 October 1999

More Exhortations

There are many angry people, that can not get what they

want, without telling others what to do. They may get what

they tell others to do in the short run, but in the long run,

they also get told what to do. I can only exhort others

successfully to do, what they really want to do in the first

place. That is what the suggestions are here. Just information

to be used by anyone interested in using the information.

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

Your Recovery Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

Coachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

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I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

I am including Sunday as it is my formal day of learning the lord most high's secrets. If you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or want to vote for which day to put on my tip of the month page or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.