Steps on the Road to Recovery

Steps On the Road to Recovery for 11 to 17 January 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my second year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com/daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

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What I am mainly going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness. Instantaneous cures may not do us any good, when we get the same disorder back, since we have not changed the thought system that caused the disorder in the first place.

11 Jan 98

Today we are continuing our long description of a "301.70

Antisocial Personality Disorder". This is a scientific name

for what we normally call "criminals". Criminals could be

broken down into "Cry" "Mind" "All". A cry of the mind to all

to help. A lot of angry people make a lot of money from a lot

of these angry people. Remember that my definition of anger

is just energy to change what we have to what we want. The

energy can be either positive or negative. In this case we are

considering the negative. The first thing for any of us to do is

to forgive ourselves for judging ourselves as "criminals" and

"antisocial personalities".

Our eighth chance to get four out of ten to get a 301.70 code is

to consistently act like an irresponsible parent. In this case we are

probably irresponsible towards ourselves. That is we are unable

to nurture ourselves or others. In this case we are driven to not take

care of ourselves so that we can take care of others. We do not

think we are worthy of nurture and thereby do not think others are

worthy of nurture. This is getting close to our personal bottom.

Our acting without responsibility is a cry for help. We may be

too proud to accept help or to openly ask for help. We may be

afraid that when we change we will have to give up our hating

others we have projected our hate on. We are right. To recover

we all need to let go of any form of hating. We need to start with

ourselves. We do need to give up our pride and start the lifetime

process of letting go of everything by the many forms of forgiveness.

12 Jan 99

Today is my birthday, the day after my daughter's birthday. This

is just another day for us to celebrate. This is now my 60th year

and we just went past our 31st anniversary of our marriage. My

parents anniversaries were beyond fifty.

Our ninth chance to get four out of ten to get a 301.70 code is

to consistently not have long term relationships. The DSM specifys

not having a monogamous relationship for at least a year. Like with

all the other symptoms, there are degrees of this symptom. In some

cultures, the criteria is a long term relationship with two husbands and

in others cultures the criteria is a long term relationship with four wives.

It all depends on our own culture. Of course there is our own sub

culture of our immediate family and circle of those we know well.

We all have different norms that we live in and we have different

norms within ourselves, that may not be the same. Life is like that.

Cultures are just challenges that make a good life, more worthwhile.

The game's goal is the have a good life, in spite of and in cooperation

with what is. Both.

What is in our relationships is just a reflection of our relationships

in our inner world. Then, to improve our relationships in our outer

world, we need to improve our relationships with all our inner aspects.

We are not aware of what we are unconscious of,

by definition. So, to help us to become more conscious we have

the blessing of relationships that we can upset ourselves over. We

upset ourselves over things in our consciousness that we may not

be aware of until we upset ourselves. Then that is our opportunity

to forgive our selves for the names that we are upsetting ourselves

over. Then we become a little bit more conscious and a little bit

more tolerant.

13 Jan 99

It is wise to not tolerate abuse, but it is wise to tolerate most every

thing else, that we can not change. We can change ourselves, but I do

not want to hurt myself or anyone else. To not hurt myself or anyone

else, I need to continue to grow in consciousness of who I am and what

I need to clear in myself. That does not mean that I need to be close to

abusive people to work on myself. There are enough reminders in the

entertainment industry called "news".

Our tenth and last chance to get four out of ten to get a 301.70 code

is to consistently not have remorse when we hurt another. There are

levels of lack of remorse. Interestingly an antonym for remorse is pride.

That is interesting because one of the reasons I have found others do not

want to do the forgiveness words is pride. They were too self righteous

to need forgiveness. So, it is extreme pride to not feel remorse when

we hurt others on purpose. It is also extreme foolishness because in the

long and or short run we will be hurt back. I want out of that cycle and

into the cycles of more happiness. I even forgive myself when I do not

think I need that and when others are forgiving themselves. I Recommend

anyone else try self forgiveness and see how this works for them.

14 Jan 99

Now for a break from the DSM. What about a way of looking at

what we want and do not know we want and what God wants for us?

What if what we want, was plotted on a y axis? And what if what we

did not know we wanted, was plotted on the imaginary x axis? Then

the resultant vector would be what we get, the vector sum of both our

what we want and what we do not know we want. We would be

getting what we really wanted from our conscious and unconscious desires

and fears. So, when we ask for a fish we get a fish and when we ask

for a stone we get a stone, the sum total of what we really ask for.

Who would know what would be wiser to ask for? Would God not

know what would be wiser for us to ask for? What would God's vector

on our x-y plot look like? Would it not be an infinite vector on our plot?

Perhaps some in the z direction? So, if we really let go and let God we

would be led gently to a better life with more peace, spiritual happiness,

spiritual wealth and spiritual health. Makes sense to me. How about you?

I have also been working on a page about searching for what we

want on the net. Drop by and give me some suggestions.

15 Jan 99

Since I also do not have my DSM with me today, I have been looking

at the "shoulds" of life. I could have said that I "should" have remembered

to take my DSM with me. Instead, I decided to take advantage of not

taking my DSM with me. I decided to write about "shoulds". I sometimes

say "Don't should on me." I also sometimes say "I don't should on anyone

because they are doing the best they can with what they are unconscious of."

I do not should on myself because I am doing the best I can with what I am

unconscious of.

We upset ourselves, when we think we should do other than we

are doing. We upset ourselves, when we think they should do other

than they are doing. When we think they should do, other than they

are doing, we are also telling ourselves something about ourselves.

For example, when I think that they are too proud, too self righteous,

to do their own self forgiveness and have any upset about that, I have

my pride involved. Then I forgive myself for judging myself as too

proud. To make sure I then forgive myself for judging myself as

too humble. I have to continue forgiving myself until I can watch

them choosing to stay stuck in their upsets and I can still have peace

in my heart. At least I am showing the way even though they have

not chosen to follow yet.

16 Jan 99

Now back to the DSM with "301.83 Borderline Personality Disorder".

This is another mood disorder that they detect from relationships and self

image and the amount of the symptoms. To qualify you need to get going

by early adulthood and be consistent in different contexts. You also need

to get checked off for at least five of the following eight symptoms.

The first symptom is to overidealize and then to devalue someone else

in your intense personal relationships. You have to be very sensitive to

jump from up on them one moment to down on them the next moment.

The only difference from average relationships is the amount of sensitivity

to each of the trigger events that happen in all relationships... In fact some

of us go through monthly cycles of sensitivity.

So, what can we do when we are more sensitive? The same things,

only we need the same things more. Overidealization and devaluing are

both sides of the same coin. We are not discerning because we are angry.

We are angry because we are judging harshly. Of course we are just

judging ourselves, because we are upsetting ourselves. When the other

person involved is upset, they are just judging themselves. That is why

a lot of therapist do not want to deal with borderline personality cases.

The first thing for both parties in these relationships is to learn how to

do self forgiveness, a lot... :))

Does this not look like and sound like the first stages of falling in

love? Again, learning to do self forgiveness, a lot.

17 Jan 99

Our second chance out of eight is to be impulsive in two areas that

are self damaging. The areas are sex, spending, substances, shoplifting,

speeding, stuffing self. Does it matter what we do to hurt ourselves?

Are we not just angry at ourselves, the world or God or all? Again we

return to the fundamental, anger. That is all we are really recovering

from, our own negative anger. What does it take to recover? Positive

anger! We need to release our negative anger, transform it to positive

anger, that is energy to heal and get on with better lives. We have an

ally in our heart of hearts. Our ally answers to anything that means

love, mercy, spirit of good, God.

Have a happy Sunday.

Love,

Michael Foster, MA

Mental Health Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

Coachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

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I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

I am including Sunday as it is my formal day of learning the lord most high's secrets. If you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or want to vote for which day to put on my tip of the month page or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.