Steps on the Road to Recovery

Steps On the Road to Recovery for 1 to 7 March 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my second year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com/daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

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What I am mainly going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness. Instantaneous cures may not do us any good, when we get the same disorder back, since we have not changed the thought system that caused the disorder in the first place.

1 Mar 99

We are still on the "disorder" "301.60 Dependent

Personality Disorder" of the DSM-III with dependent and submissive

behavior by early adulthood with at least five of the following continuing

nine chances:

Our seventh chance of nine to qualify for "dependent" is to feel devastated

or helpless when we lose a close relationship. Do we not all have some

degree of this? There are degrees of grief we all experience at the loss of

our close relationships. The wisest course is to complete our relationships

as we go along. That is to tell them how we feel about them. To tell them

the value they add to our lives. Sometimes the values they add is to be a

challenge. So, that is value.

We have an opportunity to learn how to be more interdependent and less

dependent as we grow in maturity. The real truth is that spiritually we are

all connected through what ever you wish to call God. Not the God of our

religions, but the God that is Good. We have the opportunity to continue to

learn how we are interconnected through God and to live that way.

2 March 99

Our eighth chance of nine to qualify for "dependent" is to frequently feel

our fear of abandonment. Who have we really abandoned? God. Who has

not abandoned us? God. Who have we separated ourselves from? God.

Who has not separated themselves from us? God. How can we start returning

to our maker? One way is to keep feeling our fear of abandonment and watch

how God returns us to God. How long will that take? As long as it takes.

3 March 99

Our ninth chance of nine to qualify for "dependent" is to easily hurt

ourselves over criticisms or disapprovals. What have we done when we do

this? Have we not given our power to others? Why would we do that other

than that fear of abandonment? So, a solution is to let our fear of abandonment

heal us so that we can not be abandoned.

When someone criticizes me or disapproves of me they may be correct

in various degrees. When they are totally off base they are just off base and

I need to tell them that they are just off base. When they are totally true and

I agree with them I can thank them that they agree with me. When there is

some degree of truth I can tell them that there may be some degree of truth

and that I am considering what they are saying. I can let the truth heal me,

but beating myself up with the truth will be of little use. Letting my

realizations of truth heal me will be of great use and value.

4 March 99

Now that we have completed looking at the symptoms of dependency,

let's look at a symptom of racism. Is there any other symptom than some

irrational hate? Who are we really hating, when we hate others? Ourselves,

of course. Is this any more than some mental illness to recover from?

I was fascinated to hear the stories of a missionary to Africa on how the

Africans of that day of that country, viewed race. They made fine distinctions

based on colors. They had a whole rating scale from really bad to really good.

There were some golden tan colors that were highly desired and some other

colors that were not highly desired. The first Africans that captured slaves

and sold them to traders may have been coming from racism, or perhaps greed,

or even need.

Of course in America there are no "black" people, at least any more. To a

child of five all appear as various shades of tan with various overtones. In

fact to a child of five that is the appearance of all races. To God they appear

as spiritual beings with various degrees of separation and various degrees

of woundedness. Perhaps all we need to see races as is like a five year old

and like God. You know, "red and yellow, black and white, they are all

precious in His sight.

5 March 99

Today, how about looking at our criminal justice system? Most of the time

it appears as criminal. That is, we designate criminals and then send them to

a system that makes them worse criminals. Then we stigmatize them with

a record that tend to force them to be better criminals. Actually, that is some

what like some of our mental health systems. I am not saying that there are

not some more enlightened systems. I am saying that we need to learn better,

so we can do better.

Spiritually, it is better to make amends, than to suffer consequences. In

our auto accident insurance system, we have some what moved to "no fault"

and making monetary amends to those that have suffered loss. In fact, we

have done so well, that some times we have incentivized some of us to make

a business, of acting like victims.

Would it not be a step better to offer the option of making amends without

a record? Failure to make amends would be asking for our current consequences.

Have we not built up a criminal industrial complex like we had a military

industrial complex that presidents Washington and Eisenhower warned us

about? Is this not like some of our drug industrial complex? I have some other

ideas on my soapbox page.

6 March 99

Monday I fixed my index page for my Envoy versions of the Enneagram

levels and types. I would have not known that this was not working unless

I finally got around to viewing my web site report, that includes missing links.

This is no different than all the features of all the programs I own that I have

not got around to exploring yet. This is no different than all the features of

myself that I have not got around to exploring yet. Is that not true for you

also.

By the way, for those that missed downloading those Enneagram matrices,

click here. And for those that miss something, I would appreciate the feedback.

7 Mar 99

Before we get into obsessive compulsive challenges next week I will

comment on positive features of keeping at something. When we are

keeping at something, something like writing each day, where we get positive

results, there is value in that. When we are keeping at something, something

like hurting ourself each day, we are getting our negative results. The way JC

said something about anger was in essence that when we have success with our

anger it is appropriate and when we do not have success with our anger it is

not appropriate. The criteria is what is working for us. That is one way I

distinguish between authentic anger and corrosive anger. Both are energy,

it is just that corrosive anger has negative results and authentic anger has

positive results. They are just energy, it depends on what we do with them.

For more information on anger drop by my presentation on anger.

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

Mental Health Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

MentalHealthCoachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

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I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

I am including Sunday as it is my formal day of learning the lord most high's secrets. If you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or want to vote for which day to put on my tip of the month page or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.