Steps on the Road to Recovery

Steps On the Road to Recovery for 22 to 28 February 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my second year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com/daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

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What I am mainly going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness. Instantaneous cures may not do us any good, when we get the same disorder back, since we have not changed the thought system that caused the disorder in the first place.

22 Feb 99

The next "disorders" of the DSM is the "301.60 Dependent

Personality Disorder" with dependent and submissive behavior

by early adulthood with at least five of the following nine chances:

Our first chance of nine is when we are "unable to make everyday

decisions without an excessive amount of advice or reassurance from

others". Of course we could have the other extreme and need no

reassurance or advice from others. Either extreme is lacking balance.

In any case we are dependent on others. When we make our own

decisions we still depend on others for our results. We are one

whether we want to admit that or not.

I know someone who would get three opinions before they

made their decisions. That way they knew what they really

wanted to do. They got to find out what they really thought

by hearing other's opinions. They got to consider other options

that were brought up by the others. Does that not sound like

a good process? It gets to be a problem to solve when we get

too dependent on their reassurance and are not ready to admit

that we are the one deciding in the final analysis.

In the final analysis we are the one that makes the final

decision. Would it not make more sense to have the highest

part of us make our decisions? Would it not make more sense

to have our lord most high within make our final decisions? We

could decide to do just this and then learn how to make this so.

Like the Captain on the next generation of "Star Trek" says: "Make

it so."

23 Feb 99

Our second chance of nine to qualify for dependent is to let

others make our important decisions. Of course we all do let

others make some of our decisions. Even when it is only a stop

sign, we are letting others make some of our decisions. But, we

are the one letting "them" make our decisions. We are the final

decision maker for ourselves. Of course, it would be unwise

to try to be the final decision maker for others, except when we

are training them as children to make their decisions. The

solution is the same as it is for many things. Would it not make

more sense to have the highest part of us make our decisions?

Would it not make more sense to have our lord most high within

make our final decisions? We could decide to do just this and

then learn how to make this so, when we decide to.

PS:

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24 Feb 99

Today I am doing a book review and adding this book to my bookstore.

This book is another book by Michele Weiner-Davis. Both my wife and I

have been to one of her presentations on her books and we both like her

work. Michele calls herself a solution focused therapist and I really

appreciate that. I have her other books already in my bookstore because

of her practical tips on how to get better. Anything we do to get better

and think better gets us more in alignment with our lord most high within.

Like with my writing, I am telling the same story in different ways, her

latest book does also. This one is called "A Woman's Guide To

Changing Her Man without his even knowing it!" There is good

news inside for both men and women. Her techniques work as well

for men as well as women. When women use her techniques their men

will be happier and change. When men use her techniques their women

will be happier and change, although she writes just to women. The

techniques are generic. When people in business use her techniques their

business will improve and change. When people in churches use her

techniques the churches will improve and change. And on and on to our

military, politicians, and whatever group I did not mention...

25 Feb 99

Now back to the "disorders" of the DSM-III. :)) Our third chance

of nine to qualify for "dependent" is to agree with people, even when we

believe they are wrong, because we fear we will be rejected. Of course

this often applies in the workplace, at least for all of us that had bosses,

instead of leaders. When we had leaders we were interdependent.

Even our leaders had to answer to bosses at some level. The bosses

also answered to their bosses and or their customers by agreeing to

what they did not believe was wise. It may even apply from time to

time in our homes. :))

We are either dependent on or interdependent with others or some

where in between. Dependent is at the bottom of the scale and

interdependent is at the top of the scale. To get upscale we need to

learn how to be more interdependent and less dependent. It does

not matter where we are on our scales and with who. It only matters

that we start to take actions and start to change our minds on where

we want to be moving to. We can learn the skills we need. That is

what I have been writing about each day.

26 Feb 99

Our fourth chance of nine to qualify for "dependent" is to need others

to initiate projects or to accomplish things. Of course, that applies to

most of us that have worked for organizations. Even when we start our

own organizations we depend on other organizations to be working. You

know, electricity, gas, food, entertainment, ... So, we are interdependent

and need others to take initiative and others to follow others. It also works

better when those that work for others take initiative. So there is a rating scale

from no initiative to total initiative. We can have total initiative and still be

dependent on others. Look at a two year old that can take a lot of initiative

and yet be dependent. Since we had initiative at two we have it now, some

times we have suppressed our initiative. But, our initiative is still there

waiting to be used. What do you want to do different today? What do you

want to complete? What do you want to not do any more? What do you

want to start?

27 Feb 99

Our fifth chance of nine to qualify for "dependent" is to be

overconscientious and inflexible about morality, ethics, values.

That is when we are more conscientious and inflexible than our

culture and or religious culture. Like anything else there are

degrees of this. Many people want others to be morally correct

as a projection of their own issues. Of course, that applies to

most of us where we want others to behave. Just take care of

a two year old boy for a while and you will see how much you

want others to behave.

In real life what we do depends on what we find ourselves

in and what is happening moment to moment. There is only one

real rule in life, to get to know God better. All other things flow

from this real rule. There is no way to follow all the rules that

people make up. That is right, they are made up rules. Even the

ten commandments are poorly translated... The ten commandments

actually are wiser ways to get to know God better. For instance,

they do not say thou shall not steal. Actually it is God saying "Be

stolen away by me." Of course you will not steal when you are

stolen away by God, unless you have to, to survive or the save

a child from starving. You see, it depends, and when you are

stolen away by God you can be led to do the thing that is for the

highest good of all concerned. The other nine commandments

are translated in my booklet.

28 Feb 99

Our sixth chance of nine to qualify for "dependent" is to feel

helpless and uncomfortable when alone. Like anything else there

are degrees of this uncomfortableness. The more we are

uncomfortable when we are alone the more we are separate

from our lord most high within. That can be good news. Then

we can feel our separation. As we stay in our aloneness with

the skills of forgiveness and acceptance we can experience our

return to our lord most high within. When we have fully

reconnected to our lord most high within we are no longer

alone. We are that with the holy spirit as our companion.

How lone does this process take? It takes as long as it

takes.

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

Mental Health Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

MentalHealthCoachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

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I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

I am including Sunday as it is my formal day of learning the lord most high's secrets. If you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or want to vote for which day to put on my tip of the month page or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.