Steps on the Road to Recovery

Steps On Our Road to Recovery for 22 to 28 March 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my second year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com/daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: FOR ANYONE THAT REQUESTED MY MONTHLY E-MAIL LETTER SINCE 1 AUGUST TO 1 DECEMBER 98, PLEASE SIGN UP AGAIN, I HAD TO FORMAT MY HARD DRIVE AND START OVER AGAIN, AGAIN AND LOST SOME ADDRESSES.

What I am mainly going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness. Instantaneous cures may not do us any good, when we get the same disorder back, since we have not changed the thought system that caused the disorder in the first place.

22 Mar 99

Last week I ended with the verbal hot buttons and wrote that today

I would be writing on some physical manifestations of our hot buttons

and how to cool some of our hot buttons.

When you go over your own body carefully you can usually find

some sore spots. One thing we can do is just hold the first sore spot

we find until that sore spot goes into remission. That could be a short

time to a long time. That does not matter, what matters is that we

are taking time to help ourselves.

When we hold one of our sore spots for a long time, several things

can happen. One is that we can become more conscious of how we

are feeling. That is a real plus. Another is that over time things will

change. That is another plus. Through this simple process we can

begin to commune, to communicate with our bodies and the energy

around our bodies. That is another plus.

Sometimes thoughts, images, sounds come up when we are

holding our sore spots. As long as these thoughts, images, sounds

and feelings are just changing and leaving, great. When something

keeps repeating and not changing, that may need some assistance in

getting unstuck. Sometime tapping on the sore spot helps. Sometimes

forgiving ourselves for what ever name is associated with the

repeating pattern, helps. Sometimes both.

23 Mar 99

When you are interested in another spiritual psychology approach,

try the information at http://www.questforself.com/ . You will find

a good summary of their information and books when you are interested

in more depth.

Now back to the DSM-III disorder, "301.84 Passive Aggressive

Personality Disorder". We need to begin by early adulthood and get

five of the continuing nine symptoms of passive resistance to demands

for social and job performance down.

We are on the fifth of nine symptoms. We can get this symptom by

avoiding obligations, by claiming we forgot our obligation. Not only

can we claim we forget, we can forget, or not hear in the first place.

How would they know the difference? They will not, and when we

honestly did forgot, they will not believe that. How could we forget,

since they did not forget? :)) Well, we were angry, and our anger

wiped out our memory of their request or demand. Why did we not

"just say no" or negotiate a win win in the first place? Because we

are not all yet ready to fully stand up for ourselves. Is that true of

them? Of course, we all do some of this. As usual, this is just a

matter of degree.

This cycle starts with them wanting us to do something that they

do not want to do themselves. They have a difference between what

is and what they want. They have the energy of anger. They could

use their energy of anger to get that something done. They could use

their energy of anger to find someone that wanted to do what they

want. They could use their energy of anger to negotiate a win win

so we get what we want and they get what they want. We would

not have had that obligation in the first place if they had not started

the cycle. Either of us can break the cycle and use our energy of

anger for positive changes. We put others under obligations just

like they do with us. We just need to learn the skills of better

negotiation. We are negotiating all the time anyway. Why not

learn to do negotiating well for the highest good of all concerned?

24 Mar 99

We are on the sixth of nine symptoms. We can get this symptom

by believing we are doing a much better job than others think we are

doing. This one is relatively easy. Of course the opposite is also

relatively easy, believing we are doing a worse job than others think

we are doing. We have a frame of reference and they have different

frames of reference for each of them. Sometimes we can relate to

their frames of reference and sometimes we can not relate well to

their frames of reference. We can have delusions of grandeur or

delusions of the same reality or delusions of failure and anywhere

in between.

This one is sort of common where bosses think they are doing

better than the workers think they are doing while the workers

think they are doing better than the bosses think they are doing. :))

That is where there are not intimate relationships between

leaders and their teammates. This is where we have joined into

the same reality where we are all friends that support each other

and work for the same mission. This is on the high end of the

spectrum and the above is on the low end of the spectrum.

We get to higher ends of the spectrum by learning how to

lead and to be intimate and fair. That is another subject that

I may take up some day. However, all the skills I have written

about so far help in this process of going upscale.

25 May 99

We are on the seventh of nine symptoms. We can get this symptom

by resenting suggestions from others on how to be more productive.

This one is also relatively easy. We can see how they could be more

productive and here they are telling us how we can be more productive.

Ever happened to you? Someone in your family ever pointed out how

you could do better? :))

The truth is that we are as productive as we can be, given the baggage

we carry. Yes, we can transform our baggage, into our treasures. But,

we need to know how. The suggestions, the "shoulds" we get, are not

usually how to transform our baggage. They usually tell us WHAT to

do in church, work, home, but they rarely tell HOW. HOW is what I

write about here.

It helps to notice that we can see how they could be more productive.

That means we can notice how we can be more productive. We can notice

better when we are in a state of forgiving and accepting them and ourselves.

Then we can just do better as we learn better. Not all at once, but just one

thing at a time in one day at a time.

26 Mar 99

We are on the eighth of nine symptoms where we need five to

qualify for this code number. We can qualify for this symptom

by obstructing the efforts of others by failing to do our share of the

work. This one is also relatively easy. What is our share? What

we think or what they think? It is easy to do less than they think.

It is also easy to do less than we think. We are usually harder on

ourselves than others. After all, we really know ourselves, don't

we? Actually we rarely know ourselves much less them. We are

usually on the surface of things.

Since we are doing the best we can with the baggage we are

dragging and we can not change their minds, we can at least

change our minds. We can get to know ourselves to our depths.

We can begin to get to know others to their depths. How can

we get to know ourselves to our depths? By taking time to be

by ourselves and become still and find out all that comes out.

We can learn to be gentle with all that comes up for us while

we are alone. As we discover more of our depth we will

naturally see the depths in others.

27 Mar 99

We are on the ninth of nine symptoms where we need five to

qualify for this code number. We can qualify for this symptom

unreasonably criticising or scorning people in positions of

authority. Most all of us qualify for this symptom with our

criticism of our politicians. We may criticize the other party

or both parties when we are an independent. We can easily

see how they could do better. Unfortunately we are not aware

of their baggage that keeps them from doing better. We are

not aware of all that they let us put on them also.

The bottom line is that we all are passive aggressive to some

extent. That is good news. The things we are passive aggressive

about have to do with us, somethings in us. The things we resent

in others somehow relates to something we resent in ourselves.

Sometimes it is a secret desire to do like they do or some other

equivalent thing. When we criticize those in power we secretly

want that power. The joke on us is that we have all the power

we need in us. The challenge for us is to become aware of the

power within all of us and to live life from that position.

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

Mental Health Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

DiscoveryCoachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

If you would like a free monthly newsletter with coach's hints on a single subject, click RBD's Free Monthly Newsletter Registration Form.

I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

I am including Sunday as it is my formal day of learning the lord most high's secrets. If you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or want to vote for which day to put on my tip of the month page or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.