Steps on our Road to Recovery

Steps On Our Road to Recovery for 19 to 25 April 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my second year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com/daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

What I am mainly going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness. Instantaneous cures may not do us any good, when we get the same disorder back, since we have not changed the thought system that caused the disorder in the first place.

I am just going to give you a picture of what is left in the DSM-III for us to discuss. There is an Appendix A with three disorders that they thought needed more study before they coded them. Then there is Appendix B with decision trees to help give us our codes. Appendix C has an alphabetic listing of the "disorders". Appendix D has a numerical listing of the codes they use. And lastly they have an appendix with out a letter. That is a list of symptoms with all the name that they can call us. I found it significant that they did not just call this Appendix E. It seemed like they are avoiding the simplicity of just using symptoms. I am not going to avoid that here.

19 April 1999

We are on the second proposed new disorder, "Sadistic Personality

Disorder". It seems to have the flavor of the antisocial descriptions.

To qualify we have to have a pattern of cruel, demeaning, and aggressive

behavior, that starts by our teens. In addition we need to get four of the

following eight symptoms. We are on symptom number six. To qualify

for symptom number six, we need to intimidate others to the level of

fear or terror. The truth is, that we all intimidate others consciously

and unconsciously, to some level. That is, just the nature of living here

on our planet. We can continue to learn how to love, by learning how

to forgive, how to accept, how to become more conscious, and how to

work in teams, all our lives. That is what it takes, to learn how to live

without fears, and to stop intimidating others. You see, our good intention

is to feel safe. We intimidate, because of the fears we have. When we

no longer have any fears, and have only love, we have no need to intimidate.

We are doing our intimidations for safety, until we learn we are in safety.

20 April 1999

Yesterday I added another free link to my free page. This one is a free

Windows virus checker. Tomorrow, I will add a link to a free Windows

computer checker, that has suggestions on how to improve your computer's

performance. That is what I am giving away here, suggestions to improve

your computer's performance.

Today's seventh symptom is when we restrict the freedom of people that

we are close with. We do so with the good intention of keeping them safe

or close to us or something like that. What we forget, is that when we restrict

the freedom of others, we are restricting our freedom. When we give freedom

and have freedom, we are going towards optimum performance of our systems.

There was a slogan in our revolutionary war of "Live Free or Die". Actually

we die daily, when we do not live free and let free.

21 April 1999

Here is my promised Windows checker and tuner on my free page with

another free site to find.

The last symptom, to get four out of eight, is to be fascinated by "violence,

weapons, martial arts, injuries or torture." Why do we have any fascination

with these? Because, the warrior part of us wants to be safe. The warrior

part, wants to win and for others to lose. What that warrior part does not

usually know, is that the most powerful marital art is aikido. An Aikido

Warrior, is one that thinks win win. An Aikido Warrior, does not intend

to harm their attackers. In not wishing to harm others and keeping them

safe, the Aikido Warrior is safe, and protects themselves and everyone else.

SPECIAL ON THE VIOLENCE IN THE COLORADO SCHOOL

Yesterday we heard and saw too much negative news, about what

happened in Colorado. We heard ONCE that the overall violence in

schools, had been going down. I would have appreciated that piece

of positive news, being repeated more. I would appreciate a more

positive media, whipping up solutions, instead of more upset and

violence. We get more of what we focus on.

The last time there was school violence, I wrote a piece that I just

updated today. What would happen, if there was a cry for more

counselors in schools, instead of more laws? What would happen,

if there was a cry for paying our teachers better? I know this would

attract more men into the teaching profession, to be better examples

to our kids?

22 April 1999

Now we know our eight chances to get four symptoms, to be

coded as a sadistic personality disorder with a pseudo code of

301.90. But, we also have to not just act this way with one person

and not just for sexual arousal. What code could they give us when

we acted this sadistic way towards only one person and not just

for sexual arousal? I can not find one. We would have to have

a personal agenda against only one person. We do act differently

towards different people because different people are different.

Would everyone have the same agenda against this one person?

They have defined a rare case.

Their last proposed new code is quite interesting. This one is

"Self-defeating Personality Disorder". I guess they hesitated,

on this one, because we all self sabotage to some extent, including

the authors of the DSM-III.

To qualify for this label, we need to begin by early adulthood.

We have to avoid and undermine pleasurable experiences. We need

to drawn to situations or relationships, to suffer. We need to prevent

others from helping us. Are not these the symptoms of soap operas?

Who has not seen these soap operas in their lives and the lives of

others? The only question is what level of this do we see. Some of

us avoid pleasure and condemn those that find pleasure. Some of us

are drawn to suffering. Some of us resist help. All of us, do this to

some extent. That is what we are all recovering from. That is what

some of us are getting better at.

Tomorrow we will look at the exceptions and follow with the

eight symptoms that we need to get five to qualify.

23 April 1999

The first exception, is that we are not responding to the danger

or the experience of, physical, sexual or psychological abuse.

There are cases, where people beat themselves, to avoid beatings.

So, sabotaging ourselves, when we are trying to stop people from

abusing us, is the same pattern. In fact, all of the mental "disorders"

are self abuse, or other abuse. We have over five billion of us

wounded puppies, on our planet. Our wounds are causing us to

rewound ourselves, and others. In the larger picture, rewounding

is an opportunity to heal. That means that we would have to

learn how to cooperate, with our healing process, to take advantage

of what is going on. One of our challenges ,is to learn how to

cooperate with, what is going on.

24 April 1999

The other exception, is when we are depressed, our symptoms do

not count for this "disorder". That is another reason to just stick to

our temporary symptoms, and see what can be done to assist in going

towards health. Now, on to the symptoms of self sabotage.

The first symptom is when we choose "people and situations that

lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment" when there are

better choices. Who among us has not at sometimes not made "poor"

choices. What the authors of the DSM may not understand is that

these were our best decisions, considering what unconscious drives

we had. We needed to experience our "disappointment, failure, or

mistreatment", so that we could know what was in our unconscious,

to give us a chance to once again choose better. We needed to know

what to forgive.

25 April 1999

The second symptom is when we "reject or render ineffective

the attempts of others to help". Once upon a time someone did not

show up for their get acquainted appointment. They missed the good

that happens, when someone just decides to get help. Just deciding

to get help and taking action to get help starts the recovery process.

There are many therapy outcome studies that show that there often is

a marked improvement before they get to their appointment. It is helpful

to look at what you did differently and what happened differently after

you decided to get help. How many of us got better when we decided

to go to the doctor's office and got well or better before we got there?

We all reject help to some extent. Sometimes their help is counter

productive. Sometime their help, could help. Why would someone

reject help. Perhaps they feel unworthy. Perhaps they know the truth

of when we get better, we then get our next challenge. What they forget

is that the other choice is to let the worse get worse. What do you want,

to get better or to get worse?

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

DiscoveryCoachemail

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com or

http://i.am/rbd; Total-DC or 868-2532

or 868-6749

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

Discovery Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

DiscoveryCoachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

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I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

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