Steps on the Road to Recovery

Steps On the Road to Recovery for 8 to 14 March 1999.

Published Last Week. A daily hint published each day since June 1996. This is past my second year anniversary since starting my web pages. Page Down for the next days that are added a day at a time. I have moved to http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com and this daily page is now here at https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com/daily.htm . I would appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

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What I am mainly going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness. Instantaneous cures may not do us any good, when we get the same disorder back, since we have not changed the thought system that caused the disorder in the first place.

8 Mar 99

Now on to the "301.40 Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder"

of the DSM-III. We have this when we began in early adulthood to have

a pattern of perfectionism and inflexibility. We need to get five of the

following nine symptoms to qualify. The truth is that we all have some

of this one. This is a fundamental one, concerned with righteousness.

This is where our judgments show up a lot. That is the good news, we

can more easily see what to forgive in ourselves, others.

I tell my wife and others that I do imperfect perfectly. I do, and that

is easy to say because that is the truth. The fact is that we all do imperfect

perfectly.

Why are we concerned with perfection? One reason is that we are

children of the most high, the perfection of spirit. We upset ourselves

because we are not demonstrating that perfection.

Why are we inflexible so much of the time? One reason is that we

think our spiritual father is inflexible. Nothing could be farther from

the truth. Spirit is totally flexible. You can not grab spirit like a rod

and beat someone with spirit.

Some of our beliefs came from the way the ten

commandments are usually translated as black and white standards.

The ten commandments are not that. When translated word for word

they become beautiful ways to have a relationship with our spiritual

father. Instead of saying "thou shalt not kill" we have our spiritual

father saying to be killed in the spirit by him. Charismatics call this

being slain in the spirit. Instead of saying "thou shalt not steal" we

have our spiritual father saying to be stolen away by him. That is a

love affair. That is our private romance. All of the other commandments

are like that. Mistranslated and misunderstood. No wonder we have

confused christians and christian influence. When you are interested

in what the other commandments say you can go to my order form and

order my e-booklet.

9 Mar 99

Our first chance out of nine, to get five, is when our perfectionism

interferes, with completion of our projects. Who among us, has not

quit on something, or someone, when they were not good enough? Of

course, they were god enough. :)) All that we ever made, was made

out of god, by a child of god, that was doing the best they could, at the

stage they were at. Every one, we ever knew, was a child of god, doing

their best for the stage, they were at. We all are good enough, and doing

good enough. Our perfection and righteousness comes from god, and

not ourselves. We are perfect enough for Good. Look at how life

continues for those of us that do the worst. When they leave they go

on to something eternal like us. Those that are zapped out of here are

those like the fellow that walked with Good in the bible.

All of the things we have not completed; we can now declare as

good enough and complete for us. We can now get on with doing what

we are doing and being what we are being. We can get on with enjoying

walking with Good. How are you doing today?

Good enough for today?

10 Mar 99

Our second chance out of nine, to get five, is when our preoccupation

with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules interferes

with completion of our projects. Who among us, has not at some time

got hung up in the details, rules, lists, order, organization or schedules

so that we missed the point of our activity. As usual, this is just a

matter of degree. This is just a matter of finding a balanced point

where our need for order is serving us, in getting our projects completed.

It can be more difficult to find our balance point when our bosses at

work get hung up on details, rules, lists, order, organization or schedules.

When they learn how to be leaders instead of bosses they can coach us in

finding a balance. The same is true for those we live with and live with us.

I have seen some people that had complete disorder in their work

space and yet knew where every thing was in that disorder. The real

problem for some of them was that they just were not given enough

space. That is because I saw one of the worse cases become well

organized when he had enough space to organized his information.

He had not been given enough space to manage his responsibilities

and to utilize his talents. Perhaps we have not given ourselves enough

space from time to time. Perhaps our leaders have not given us enough

space from time to time. When vast beings are put in small cubicals,

they are not going to be as efficient as when they have enough space to

organize their work in. That may be one reason that those that work

at home and telecommunicate actually get more done. Computers and

the net are coming along now to help us organize our information in less

physical space. Sometimes we lose sight of what the uses of computers

are. Sometimes we lose sight of what the use of our common sense is

for. Sometimes we do not have much common sense in common. :))

A good affirmation may be: "I am increasing my common sense daily."

11 Mar 99

Our third chance out of nine, to get five, is when our insistence that

others do things our way, gets in the way of our happy life. Or when

we insist they not do things, because we think they will not do them

"right". Oh come on now, all of us do this, to some extent. I know I

work on being aware of how things are working for others and work

on cooperating with how things work for others. I even let things not

work for others most of the time. But, of course I want every one to

have happier lives and I want to help ever one to have happier lives.

So, from time to time I forget there are other ways than the ways I know

and that others some times want to have misery. Then I may say some

thing that I will later regret. Are there not times that we do things

ourselves, because someone else can not do what ever that is as well

as us? So, what to do differently?

One thing I am doing here is just writing about tips. That way the

tips that click for you simply click for you. Like they say in recovery

communities, "Keep the Best, and Leave the Rest!" Another thing we

can do is simply respect others' processes. When therapy is really

working, we simply enter another's process with empathy and learn

what it is like for them. We ask them some questions that help them

find their own ways. We go with them where they need to go and

show them how we get back. We can both be enriched by therapy

when it it really working.

12 March 99

I updated my Legal Statement yesterday and you can use it to

your advantage. My Legal Statement can guide anyone into greater

responsibility for their lives and recovery. You will also find a

new banner at the top. Please send me your responses to both.

Our fourth chance out of nine, to get five, is when we have an

excessive devotion to work and productivity so that we exclude

leisure activities and friendships. We do not qualify when we

really need the position and money. Who among us, has not at

some time excluded friendships and leisure activities because

of work or children or something we made more important than

it was. This is just another opportunity to get out of balance.

So, this is also another opportunity to get in balance. This is

an opportunity to realize that anything can get done tomorrow

and that family, friends and healthy leisure are more important.

In fact, we may be better able to get that "important" thing done

better tomorrow when we have better relationships with family,

friends and leisure.

13 Mar 99

Our fifth chance out of nine, to get five, is when we are indecisive

and we avoid, postpone, or protract our decisions. It does not count,

when we have an excessive need for advice or reassurance from

others. Then we can qualify for another code number. Who among us,

has not at some time been indecisive. This is just another matter of

degree symptom. Sometimes it is good to be indecisive, since all the

relevant factors have not yet appeared. Sometimes there are enough

relevant factors and we just do not like that. It depends. :))

Deciding is about learning a knack of deciding. We already have

deciding skills, even when our skill is for not deciding. How to learn

a knack of deciding? One way, is to learn how to pay attention to all

of us. That is to come from our heart and feel all our feelings as we

also hear all our thoughts and see all our visions. How to do that?

Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, ... Neverending practice.

The more we practice coming from our heart with all that we are the

more our decisions make more sense to us. The more we practice

coming from our heart with all that we are the more our decisions

work for us. Not for just 301.40's... In fact, it is to our advantage

to become more obsessive and compulsive about practicing this kind

of heart felt deciding.

14 Mar 99

Our sixth chance out of nine, to get five, is when we are over-

conscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morals,

values, or ethics. We have a way out, we can blame our cultural

and religious identifications. Who among us has not at some times

been a keeper of the shoulds. There is even a should that we should

not have shoulds. I am not writing that, I am writing that there is a

better way than shoulds.

This is a tough nut to crack because most of our cultures teach

we should should. We teach we should be perfect and there

always is the right way. We teach inflexibility, conscientiousness,

scrupulousness. Even though Jesus taught grace over legalism,

many use his name for legalism. Even though Paul taught grace

over legalism, many use his name for legalism. Even most churches

of Paul and Jesus teach more legalism than grace. This is also

true of most religions that use God as an excuse for their legalism.

The heart of the problem is that most of us use a God that we do

not know, as our excuse to teach our moralities. A way out is obvious.

Get to know God. Get to know about grace and mercy and wisdom.

Get to know the God that used the legalism of the Jews to destroy

the concept that God is angry or that God holds any of our sins to

us. Get to know the God that continued the work of Jesus by sending

Paul to teach grace, no matter what. Legalism becomes triviality,

when we are in the presence of the lord most high within all of us.

There is no need for legalism when we are learning of the lord

most high within all of us that does not want to harm any of us.

Since God used legalism to kill legalism, why not continue his

process. One of the best pastors I know is a recovering lawyer

that uses legalism to teach how the bible actually teaches grace.

We have let the legalist use the bible to teach legalism without

much challenge. They need to be challenged by what the bible

actually says in context. Not what we have been told that it says.

Jesus set the example by frequently telling the Pharasees that they

were missing the spirit by being legalist.

Very Respectfully,

Michael Foster, MA

Mental Health Coach

https://www.recoverybydiscovery.com

MentalHealthCoachemail

"Learn HOW to recovery by discovering the blocks you need to remove and the actions you need to take and what you need to let go of as your blocks to your blessings."

From my book in process, The Spiritual Cookbook (Generic Recipes for a Better Life)

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I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on me each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents to have passed on what they learned.

I am including Sunday as it is my formal day of learning the lord most high's secrets. If you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or want to vote for which day to put on my tip of the month page or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.